A Special Note from Megasaurus
Hi, my name is Megasaurus, and I can’t stop eating cars.
You heard that right, I eat cars. Lots of ‘em. It doesn’t matter if they are 2-door, 4-door or even more door. I eat ‘em with their tires and wheels still attached and their engines still in place, but one thing I won’t try is their gas tanks and batteries. Megasaurus ain’t tryin’ to catch battery acid reflux. I eat cars. And I love it.
Whew. It feels good to get that off of my robust metal chest.
Now that I’ve given you the basics, let me tell you a little bit more about myself. I stand three stories tall and for now I weigh over 50,000 lbs., but I’m workin’ on that. My blood pressure is 2,500 lbs. per square inch, which my mechanic assures me is completely within the normal range, and I have over 800 feet of veins and arteries. That might be a bit of an overshare, but it’s the truth. I have 15,000 lbs. of crushing force in each claw and 18,000 lbs. of biting force and can lift 30,000 lbs. And did you know when I’m really hungry, I’ve been known to eat boats, airplanes and even houses?
What are my favorite foods? I’d have to say Dodge Omnis and Plymouth Horizons are my all-time favorites. They’re what I turn to the most to satisfy a powerful Megasaurus craving. After that it’s probably Ford Escorts. They’re simple, delicious and have no aftertaste. Chevy Cavaliers are good if I just want a no-frills snack. I have to admit I like the occasional Chevy Citation even though they give me gas. I’ll munch on the occasional Honda if I’m craving exotic seafood (they have a fishy taste), and I will eat Toyotas if I need a greasy fix. I’m probably the only one who wishes Guy Fieri would make the show Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives about the cars in the parking lots of those places. Talk about Flavor Country!
Did I mention I spit straight fire? That’s not a brag about my rapping skills. I mean I spit literal fire. Just part of what makes me Megasaurus. My breath contains over 200,000 BTUs of burning power, and it spells certain doom for all vehicles in my path. I can flame broil my own meal without even using a grill.
Ok, I’ve said my piece. I could go on all day about my car-chomping prowess, but it’s better that you see it with your own eyes on the Hot Wheels Monster Trucks Live tour! I’m beyond honored to team up with the awesome monster trucks and the thrilling FMX racers to bring explosive entertainment to the entire family. I love to thrill fans as they watch me indulge my massive appetite. People can’t help but marvel at my enormous size and my scorching fire breath.
I look forward to seeing all of the fans come out to the show and watch me devour the smorgasbord of twisted metal laid out before me. Some might think it’s too much for any one prehistoric automobile chomper to consume. To those skeptics I proudly say, “Challenge Accepted.” My appetite is endless and so are the possibilities when fans attend the Hot Wheels Monster Trucks Live tour. GO BIG, GO HOT WHEELS!
Yours in Awesomeness,
